Do you have a teen or pre-teen who wants a smart phone? Or maybe you've already given them one?
Most parents I know want their kids to have a phone when they're out having fun; developing friendships, building confidence, and making memories.
However, parents only need that phone to support calling and texting a small group of people with location tracking, especially if our kids are under 16. #MakeFlipPhonesCoolAgain
Here’s what our kids don't need from their phones:
Internet access
Photo sharing with friends
Secret disappearing messages
Phone shaming
File sharing
Email addition
No accountability
Peer pressure
Image dysmorphia
Generative AI
Mindless scrolling
Productivity tools
Social media access
Dating apps
Unrealistic expectations
Constant comparison
Anxiety and depression
Sleep deprivation
Dopamine triggers
Despite this growing list of concerns, most of us inevitably cave to the pressures and conveniences of a smart phone, and hand our precious little ones the most emotionally damaging device ever invented.
A Lose-Lose Proposition
Without maturity and discipline, the smart phone creates a lose-lose scenario for parents and kids (even with the best content controls).
Restricted Phones
We put fences around our home for two reasons: (1) to establish clear boundaries and expectations; (2) to protect against dangerous people and situations.
In my experience, adding content controls (a fence) to a phone creates a false sense of security for parents and activates the inner hacker within your child.
Without maturity and contentment, restricted phones incentivize your kids to:
Never be satisfied (They’ll always be exposed to content their friends have that they don't)
Crack your passcodes (They can't help themselves, plus they're always looking over your shoulder and can deduce every passcode code you can think up).
Find back doors to the features you've blocked. (They'll take an old device you forgot about, use your phone without your knowledge, use their friend's phone, or sneak a device in from the outside world.)
Create a secret life on YouTube, SnapChat, Instagram, TikTok, etc. that intoxicates them with feelings of curiosity, desire, shame, regret, and guilt.
Unrestricted Smart Phones It's tempting to take a neutral / passive approach with smart phones as well, trusting our kids to make good decisions.
This is dangerous and unwise. If you live on a busy street or across from an insane asylum, would you tear down the fence protecting your yard? Of course not! On top of the growing list of destructive forces listed above, unrestricted phones:
Give anyone access to your child - photo sharing, location tracking, anything your child allows.
Set the responsibility bar too high - your "trust" in your child's decision making leads them to a world of guilt, shame, and regret. They will cave to their own curiosity and the consequences of their actions are steep.
Signal that you don't care enough to protect them. Their friends will say, "Lucky, your parents let you use SnapChat." Your kids will say, "Yeah, my parents don't care (about me)."
Undermine the intentional efforts of other parents. A united assault on smart phone use by parents would do wonders for our kid’s mental health.
While there is an argument for not over-protecting your kids, allowing them to make some mistakes while they're still under your protection, giving your kids an unrestricted smart phone effectively leaves them alone in a room with the worst our world has to offer.
If you feel like this perspective is extreme, you’re wrong. It's reality. This has been my experience 100% of the time, even with God-fearing kids who have a good heart and good intentions. The Family Smart Phone Contract
Kids, 16 and under for sure, simply don't possess the maturity or discipline to overcome the pressures and temptations of a smart phone. However, many of us have already introduced smart phones to our kids, or we're giving them one despite these warnings. The smart phone actually creates a unique opportunity for you to have a mature conversation with your child, while establishing ground rules and expectations built on biblical grace and truth. We've created the Family Smart Phone Contract to help you facilitate these conversations.
While a contract like this may not feel loving or trusting, it's intended to be just the opposite. Clearly defined and communicated guidelines (fences) protect, enrich, and preserve our long term relationships.
Our Family Smart Phone Contract sets the stage for mature conversations around the complexities of technology (i.e.: self-worth, self-image, bullying, pornography, privacy, gossip, image sharing, addiction, and financial responsibility).
If either you or your child are not mature enough for this conversation, then it's definitely too soon for a smart phone.
>> Download our Family Smart Phone Contract
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. - Providers 22:6
The Heart of the Matter No matter how old you are, the smart phone will remain a destructive, distracting, and dangerous tool without the transformational power of God’s presence in your life. No contract will change the desires of your heart. We will be swept away by the current of this world without the fortitude that comes from believing the following truths:
God made you special.
Your heart and mind are worth protecting.
The world has nothing of lasting value to offer you.
Meaning and purpose aren't found on social media.
God has a good plan for your life.
When you have a clear sense of purpose and calling, the smart phone no longer provides an escape from reality, a vehicle to find meaning, or a reflection of your self-worth and identity. Just like money, when viewed correctly, the smart phone simply becomes an incredible tool with the power to glorify God and fuel His mission for your life.
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